Question:
How do I get my husband to be more loveable to his kids I want my kids to respect him not be afraid of him.?
lilics78
2006-02-16 11:45:59 UTC
I have an 6 year old boy and a 4 year old girl and they are both good kids. Yes they make messes just they act childish but they are kids. my husband just doesnt get it he treats them as if they were adults, he wants them helping around the house with chores not even his father completes around our house he wants them to not make noisy he wants them playing quietly and come on they are kids still and I AM NOT SAYING THIS BECAUSE THEY ARE MY OWN KIDS BUT THEY ARE VERY WELL BEHAVED KIDS I SOMETIMES GET COMPLIMENTS ABOUT HOW THEY BEHAVE IN RESTAURANTS and he doesnt care all he sees are the bad things....
Six answers:
gailfrances
2006-02-16 12:28:17 UTC
He is probably treating his kids the way he was treated by his own father. It's sometimes hard to undo what our parents have done to us, and your children could possibly follow in your husbands footsteps if he doesn't change. However, it's not impossible to change and he will need your help.



Unless he has an epiphany, you may be the only person he will listen so he can begin to change. Start by praising him for anything nice he does with, or for, the kids. Praise him for any kind word he says to them. Tell him he is a good daddy. Do all you can to spend time with him, making him feel like a man and that you and the kids love him.



A man that treats his kids that way doesn't feel good about himself. He unwittingly projects that onto the kids. The kids don't deserve being treated that way because they are little kids and it's natural for them to want to play and have fun. They will only be kids once, and unfortunatly he can't see that.



However, your husbands issues will make it difficult to ever have true harmony in your household. So unless you plan on leaving, I would do all in my power to help him feel good about himself.



For now that may seem like an impossible task, but short of him getting some kind of therapy to uncover and deal with his misplaced emotions, you will need to be the one to help him through this.



If you vowed to stay with him in sickness and in health, then help him through this sickness. Making impossible demands on little kids, and making everyone miserable day in and day out, is a form of sickness. When/if he is healed, the family can be well. Good luck.
ames018
2006-02-16 11:57:56 UTC
fisrt off lilly.. thanks for the answer to my question about religion and children.. I really appreciate it.. Those other people made me annoyed.. Second off all.. This is the way my dad was with us growing up... He realized it a bit too late for us as children, but I think seeing his children parent there children so differently made him realize theres more to life for children then sit down and shut up... So on that note and realizing that you don't want to wait until your children are grown for him realizing this... Talk to him.. Find out why he feels like this..>As for children doing chores.. I don't think that's such a bad idea.. With my 4 year old step daughter.. IF she wants to help with chores - Awesome.. She gets a stamp everytime she helps with a chore and when she gets 50 stamps she gets 5 dollars... If she dosent want to help.. She dosent get anything (i mean we of course still buy her things every now and then but it's different when it's money in hand) Explain to your husband that it's not fair to make two young children wake around on egg shells to try to keep him from getting upset.. Perhaps you could compromise by making 1 quiet hour a day (where the kids sit to do homework or paly a game quietly) and this can be your husbands time to relax... Good luck to you though!
acredhead113
2006-02-16 11:53:37 UTC
Possibly your husband had a bad childhood and does not know how others should be treated. Does he love them?



Maybe you should consult your minister or another expert that will be able to get him to acknowlege that he has a problem. How does he cope with other people? Is he happy?
Junior1544
2006-02-16 11:50:26 UTC
I'm only 25, don't have any kids of my own, the only experience with kids i have is my nieces and nephews...



So take what I have to say with the knoldge and I gave above...



I would have to say sit down with him, and talk about his own childhood... what he liked, what he didn't like, try to get him to tell stories about it... Then compare what he told you, to how he treates his kids...





Just my thoughts, and i'm sorry if i'm completly out of my depth...
mrgreekgod
2006-02-16 11:50:26 UTC
very simple,be a good wife,who makes her husband as a good father for her kids!!!
pdcmariona
2006-02-16 11:48:39 UTC
maybe it's not your kids that are the problem maybe it's your husband that has unresolve issues?


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
Loading...